...So there I was helping my coworker roll a 40 year old man over, while he proceeded to let it rip and laugh during every turn. We both cringed and held our breaths for dear life! I had spent countless shifts, rolling, turning, toileting and being abused by patients. As a nurse, you complete odd tasks no one ever thinks of doing for money. Emptying foley catheters, clearing secretions from respiratory ill patients and scooping stool samples from those with GI bleeds included some of those "dirty" jobs. However, my least favorite moments included being yelled at by family members due to medical plans that i hadn't been made aware of. You see, there's a major communication gap in the healthcare system. No matter how hard we try, things get missed, everyone has different medical opinions and every body is different. The most hurtful and stressful part about being a nurse is the emotional abuse we experience. People come to see us at the worst time of their lives and every single person expects care and compassion along with a perfect plan of care and a miracle cure on the spot. This honestly isn't a reality for every case.
Now the most rewarding part about nursing, besides the financial security and a three day work week, is also the emotional portion. We are technically superheroes, whether some realize it or not. We have the training and critical thinking to not only save your life on the spot, but also sense when dangerous times are near. It is so rewarding to see people come in at their worst and leave the hospital walking with discharge paperwork in hand. The adrenaline rush from performing CPR and bringing a person back to life is like no other! Many of us complain on the daily but still return and provide the best empathetic bedside care that we can...until we can't!
Let's backtrack to 2013. I had just graduated the University of RI with high hopes of becoming a labor and delivery nurse. Well, the opportunity did not present itself until later in life and I had bills to pay and experience to gain. I started working medical surgical nursing and never really left the bedside. I always had an excuse as to when the time would come. I always had a "plan." I started graduate school and focused on midwifery. I knew I was so passionate about women's health and I figured I would be done with my masters in three years, tops. Medical surgical nursing was my security blanket. I have always been a jack of all trades, master of none type of girl. And that's just what working on an acute care unit was all about.
2018 came and I had a million reasons why I chose not to complete my nearly finished masters program. I decided I was going to keep working the bedside until i figured it out! I started brainstorming during my first pregnancy and realized I still loved women's health and wanted to take a preventive approach. I played with the idea of becoming a postpartum personal trainer while I got my shit together. I had so many topics on wellness to cover so that idea eventually flopped. The reason it flopped was because I was passionate about the person as an individual on a spirit, mind and body level. I started looking for holistic health coaching/ nursing jobs in the area. To my surprise, there were none. I couldn't really find any wellness centers that I would actually go to either! I started telling myself I needed a large cash flow of money to start this "women's health preventative center." The only way I knew how to get quick fast money was to travel. So here I went, back to medsurg! At this point I knew I was starting to lose compassion and my time at the bedside was limited.
Let's fast forward to January 2020. I moved cross country with my family to work as a travel nurse. Minutes after enjoying a warm and windless evening, I received the worst call of my life. My younger sister, who was seven months pregnant had to be taken to the hospital due to complaints of a massive headache and nose bleed. As i'm on the phone I hear a code blue being called and that is when my entire life and perspective changed. There's more on this story later.
This entire time I was expecting to either graduate my masters program or have saved up so much money that I could just quit mid shift. But no. I was forced to make this decision. Forced by the universe to walk and live in my purpose. It is amazing that in a time of total destruction and disaster God was actually paving and continues to pave my way. For weeks leading to this event, I had been meditating on where I should start my wellness center. I couldn't decide if I wanted to start in California or Rhode Island. I couldn't decide who my main audience was. I couldn't decide if I had the courage to leave the familiar to become a leader of a made up space. Today, I am proud to say my vision could not be more clear. The courage to leave the bedside was a push by the universe. In a blink of an eye my entire life changed and after seeing the miracles of life, I can not waste the rest of my time here doing things that I am not inspired to do or no longer passionate about. I didn't find courage. It wasn't lost or misplaced. What I learned to do was trust and believe in myself. I am no longer resisting my blessings but choosing to live in alignment with what feels good to me. Trusting the healer in me...
So many times our inner child is scared to take that leap of faith. But how do you know if you don't try? Life is beautiful, fragile and precious. No matter what you go through you must keep growing. I learned there will never be a perfect timing. Let your intuition, rather than your insecurities guide you. Four2Five Wellness, an integrative healing and wellness company, coming to you in the physical 2020. Stay tuned and follow us on instagram to see the journey. Thank you for reading a piece of my story. I hope this inspires you to take a risk and walk in your purpose. Stay raw. Stay inspired.